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“I totally forgot about the presidential debate. After visiting the Blackstone I kind of want to hear what he has to say. I look up a clip of the debate which was hosted in Sacramento on YouTube once I get home. The moderators asks: “what will you do to address income inequality, including the disenfranchisement of people of color here in the state of California?”

Democratic California Senator Dave Cohen-Rodriguez says “people of color are an integral part of our nation’s, and this great state’s, economy. They pick our fruit and run our tech companies. We need to enforce diversity quotas to ensure that corporations nationwide reflect the diversity of the world. I co-sponsored a bill in the Senate that would increase legal immigration to 3 million a year and mandate that our workforce reflect the global demographic. My detractors in my own party have criticized me for voting for Republican corporate tax cuts but once our workforce resembles that of the world, we will have a capitalism that is woke and no longer in need of state regulation.”

Republican Governor of Oklahoma, Wilbur Rex Jackson III says “the lunatic environmental lobby in California is driving out the middle class. We need to open federal and state lands to logging and fracking, creating millions of new jobs. Open up land so everyone can enjoy the American dream of owning a home and I would sign Cohen-Rodriguez’s bill to open up that dream to people of color from all over the world.”

Roger Blackstone who’s running unaffiliated and dressed in a purple blazer responds “the fundamental problem in our society is that wealth is concentrated in the hands of a few while the highest population growth is in the underclass, with both trends squeezing out the middle class. If we’re going to talk about reforming the distribution of wealth, we must consider the overall demographic structure. To reverse this trend, I would implement a basic income with free healthcare, coinciding with a dramatic cutback in immigration and the elimination of incentives for the underclass to reproduce.”

“How would you fund that racist socialist nonsense?” Jackson interrupts.

Blackstone adds “by automating bureaucracy, for one thing, but let me continue. As for the wealthy I propose a financial transaction tax and a tax increase on the top brackets, offset by childcare tax credits for the middle and upper classes to raise their birthrates.”

Jackson says “Blackstone’s racist proposal to raise the White birthrate is not only an affront to free markets but also the empowerment of women. With paid maternity leave, employers will discriminate against hiring women and shut them out of promotions. And for any woman who does become successful they will only be able to keep the fruits of their labor if they keep popping out kids.”

Cohen-Rodriguez says “I’d further extend quotas to insure gender equality in the workforce, especially for women of color. Blackstone’s a bigot who would pay underprivileged people of color not to reproduce.” Blackstone interjects, “nonsense, I will ensure the profits from automation and privatization are invested back into civilization.”

Cohen-Rodriguez responds, “don’t buy into Blackstone’s phony populism. There are loopholes to protect his own vast fortune. For instance, his tax increase is only directed against the financial and managerial class, exempting innovators and creators, which is just a dog whistle and a way to eliminate the competition. He may raise taxes a bit on some hedge fund but would allow those very same wealthy people that he rants against to deduct that amount just by having some attractive teenage daughter, not to mention he opposes my tax breaks for entrepreneurs of color.”

Jackson interrupts “Blackstone wants to take away from our capitalists of color and have White Socialism.”

Cohen-Rodriguez adds “it’s eugenics plain and simple and does nothing to solve income inequality. As for his immigration policy, People of Color United Against Aesthetic Fascism’s study found that 70% of Blackstone visa recipients would be White.”

The moderator says: “we will get to immigration shortly but how will you address the affordable housing crisis in California?”

Blackstone responds “restrictions on new housing and high levels of immigration have driven up the cost of housing here in California and both of my opponents’ immigration policies would exacerbate that trend. I propose tax incentives and zoning reforms to increase density in urban areas, and retrofit suburbia into walkable communities, while mandating high aesthetic standards.”

Jackson interrupts, “This is outright Socialism!” Blackstone responds “increasing the housing supply lowers the cost. You claim to be a capitalist but don’t understand the basic principles of supply and demand. Jackson is bought off by big oil and his agenda would ruin this state’s ecosystem and beauty which made it desirable in the first place.”

Cohen-Rodriguez interjects “Blackstone doesn’t care about the environment any more than he cares about affordable housing. I actually have a plan to reform zoning nationally, to ensure a diverse and inclusive future, but if you look closely at Blackstone’s zoning proposals you’ll see no mention of affordable housing. He just wants to build more luxury developments to enrich his own vast real estate fortune and fulfill some perverse eugenic end,” Jackson interjects. “I just want people of color to be able to own single family homes. Is that too much to ask?”

Just as the moderator is about to ask about the Blackstone Visas, there’s a power outage due to gusty dry winds, causing my internet to go down. I was going to support Cohen-Rodriguez to show solidarity with people of color but are his proposals really the best for the environment? Not to mention he’s backed by all the big corporations and banks with the campaign slogan of “Woke Capital.” Maybe I’ll just vote Green.”

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Fictional Presidential Debate in Vaporfornia