Vaporfornia Chapter 9: Heaven is a Place on Earth

Vaporfornia Chapter 1: Vapor Privilege

Vaporfornia Chapter 7: My Asian Girlfriend

Due to the incident with Natasha, I decide to avoid school and tell my parents I’m ill.  Lilly texts me to see if I’m ok and I tell her that I’m mourning my grandmother’s passing. A way to both get sympathy and for her not to think I’m contagious if we do go on another date soon. I tell Lilly that I want to take her to Santa Cruz for the day. She’s thrilled.

Since my family is gone for the day I have Lilly pick me up at my home. I tell her that I’m renting a room to avoid the embarrassment of admitting I live with my parents.  We head off to our destination. We drive down the 680 towards the Silicon Valley.

Once we reach Fremont we get into a traffic jam, even on a Saturday morning. Do these corporate slaves even get weekends off? Lots of crazy Asian drivers. Maybe Lilly isn’t such a bad driver after all. I look at her and smile. I’m starting to fall for her. She might actually be the one.

photo credit: Robert Stark

We drive through the Santa Cruz Mountains. Very beautiful, but a different natural aesthetic than Mount Diablo. I can’t decide what I prefer; the oak woodlands and golden hills or the lush Redwoods. Nature is spectacular in all its forms.  We stop at the Redwoods at Henry Cowell State Park for a picnic. I picked up Sushi, barbeque kettle chips, and sparkling water from Whole Foods and Lilly brought some homemade Vietnamese Pho. It’s a nice sunny day with cool fresh air and I can hear the sounds of the ancient Redwoods creaking along with the rushing water of the stream.

Lilly turns to me and smiles. I’m so happy she appreciates nature. I don’t think I can fall in love with a girl who doesn’t. As we drive down to Santa Cruz, Lilly is slowly getting adjusted to driving on winding mountain roads. A brief stop in Downtown Santa Cruz, a charming historic college town.  Lilly mentions she wants to check out the Boardwalk. It’s a location by the sea with lots of pastel colored structures and retro neon, magical even with the crowds of proles coming in from inland areas to escape the summer heat.

photo credit: Robert Stark

Lilly gets a cotton candy for us to share. I see the pink sticky goo on Lilly’s lips and so want to kiss her but now is not the time. Lilly suggests we go on the Giant Dipper. I’m petrified of roller coasters, but I have a brave girl, no a brave woman of color, to protect me and hold my hand.

My stomach growls from the cotton candy and anticipation of the ascent up. I hold Lilly’s hands tightly. My hands are sweaty, but she doesn’t mind. As we slowly ascend up the roller coaster, I get more petrified holding her hand even tighter. I hope my hand isn’t sweating too much.

Once we approach the top, I close my eyes. The view must be superb, but I guess I’ll miss out on that aspect of the experience. It’s over quickly and not as horrifying as I anticipated, but I feel a bit dizzy. I sit down on a bench to rest. Lilly comforts me asking if I’m feeling alright.

I get up and grab Lilly’s hand and carry her off into the neon wonderland. I hear some 80’s music playing. I pull Lilly over to check out the scene. There’s an 80’s themed dance club with cool animated neon shapes that dance to the music.

The song “Heaven Is a Place on Earth” by Belinda Carlisle is playing.  I remember that song being referenced in Noam’s manifesto as he drove his vintage Beamer around Greenwich. The philosophy of Belinda Carlisle is that being in a romantic relationship is the only way to achieve Heaven on Earth. Therefore, being alone in a romantic setting like this would be a personal Hell. Luckily for me I have a girlfriend.

source: wikipedia.org

Despite not being religious, I give a quick prayer for all the social outcasts and romantically rejected men in the world, as well as the victims of the few who lash out in violent eroticized rage like Noam did.

Lilly noticing my contemplation grabs my hand and pulls me out onto the dance floor. I’m not the greatest dancer but it doesn’t matter. It’s just about me sharing this special moment with my girlfriend, transported into a romantic 80’s teen movie. Dancing as we hold each other’s hands spinning around in circles.

The next song is “Like a Prayer” by Madonna. The song is a beautiful love story about an interracial couple in The South who had to hide their love from racist barbarism. I feel a bit guilty for every time I felt resentment for seeing an African American hit on a pretty White girl and a bit schizophrenic for simultaneously being moved by this song while also appreciating the fascist synthwave that Blackstone’s supporters have been making. But everything with an 80’s sound or aesthetic can be romantic, and it doesn’t matter because I have my own interracial love story. I hum to the lyrics, “I just want my Asian girlfriend down on her knees, and she will take me there.”

The next song is Billy Joel’s “This is the Time.” It’s a slow dance. I hold onto Lilly tightly just wanting to savor this special moment because as the song says “It will not last forever.”

Just as I’m enjoying this magical moment, a group of blonde teen girls surround us. No, not just any blondes, but blonde Jewish girls. Like Alicia Silverstone’s character in that cheesy 90’s film The Crush. And they don’t even have guys with them.

I never thought about girls with those specific features until reading about them in Noam’s manifesto. And then I kept seeing that blonde Jewish girl in my visions and immediately fell in love with her.

I found it bizarre at first but they have a special mystique. Girls of mixed Jewish and Nordic heritage. Pretty blonde girls but with slightly exotic features. They’re more common in LA but there were some girls like that in my high school. I never really thought about them that way until recently.

I have Jewish cousins because my aunt in LA married a Jewish Hollywood Producer who ironically worked with the infamous Ari Meschel. But I doubt he has a Casting Couch. I even inspected every single room in their home for Casting Couches but all I found was a nice white leather family friendly sofa, totally unsullied by bodily fluids.

Anyhow, last summer my cousin invited me to her Sweet 16 pool party at their mansion in Calabasas, which is a wealthy suburb of LA. There were so many hot blonde Jewish girls in bikinis but every single one of them ignored me.

I felt so devastated that I ran into the bathroom to cry and was depressed on the entire car ride home, especially while looking out over the sunset on the Pacific Ocean. This is your chance to finally talk to some. No, your girlfriend is right in front of you.

The next 80’s classic is “Valerie” by Steve Winwood.

I grab Lilly’s hands for the dance.  Dancing as the song lyrics go “Call on me.” The animated neon still dancing alongside us.

Those girls are really cute in their short skirts. I need to convince Lilly to buy me some candy and then ask one of the girls to dance before she comes back. But it’s too late. Lilly catches me staring at the girls and runs off in tears.

The song “Heavenly Action” by Erasure starts playing as Lilly leaves. My favorite band of all time. This would have been the best song to dance with Lilly to. Transcending to a euphoric state of pure ecstatic love with my “Angel made in Heaven.” A moment I would have cherished for the rest of my life. I have to find her and make things right.

photo credit: Robert Stark

I rush down to the beach to look for her. She turns around. Noticing me she starts quickly walking away.

I can still hear the faint melody of Erasure. I follow her but she screams: “I don’t want to speak with you!”

This would have been the most romantic magical moment with the sunset, scent of sea air, the sound of seagulls and crashing waves, and neon glistening from the Boardwalk in the background, but I ruined everything.

I try to put my arm around Lilly to comfort her but she cries, “go away. I never want to speak to you again.”

She sits down on the sand. Should I try to comfort her? Or just give her some time alone to calm down?

What if she leaves without me and I’m completely stranded, forced to take the Greyhound home with the dregs of society? I just continue to pace up and down the beach keeping an eye on Lilly.

Eventually Lilly gets up. I slowly follow her from a distance to the parking structure. We both get in the car, avoiding eye contact as if we’ve never met.  

To distract from the awkward situation, I turn on the radio to the 80’s station. There’s nothing more romantic than 80’s music,  but it’s hard to listen to at a time like this. Hopefully nothing too romantic. The song “Wonderful Life” by Black comes on. I’d never heard it before but it’s one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard: the lyrics, synth, and calypso beat. I’m so moved yet feel so alone next to the girl who once loved me, but who I harmed greatly.

I look out over the beautiful sunset and then briefly make eye contact with Lilly. That and the beautiful melodic rhythms bring me to tears. For the rest of the drive home we don’t exchange a single word.  She just drops me off in front of my house and doesn’t even say goodbye.

Vaporfornia is available for purchase on Lulu publishing. Warning: Not for the easily offended.